Ah, Valentine's Day. Of all the “global” (for lack of a better term) holidays, it is perhaps the one that gets the biggest mixed reaction. Some see it as a romantic Christmas-styled day, the day in which romance is at its greatest and like Christmas with joy, it's the day that people in love celebrate that love the entire day. But on the other side (again, not unlike Christmas), to many, it is also considered a crass, money-making venture, in which the corporations mass produce garbage and fool people into buying nonsense in the vain pursuit of keeping love.
And while very few people to no one at all gives a damn about my opinion, that's not going to stop me from delivering it (why would you be here otherwise?)
Much like the general mixed reaction of the world's population, I too am on the borderline of Valentine's Day and the celebration thereof. I haven't dated a lot of women, so I don't have that many Valentine's Day experiences. So, if you came here looking for sad or hilarious anecdotes on the perils of one nerd's dating experiences, you're outta luck. Move along, nothing to see here, go to YouTube and look up bears on trampolines or something random like that.
But my mixed feelings come from that fact that while I don't hate Valentine's Day, I don't embrace it and spread the message for all to hear, either.
I think a lot of that stems from this one thought: as cliché as it is, and it may look like I'm trying to score bonus points, but I'm someone who thinks when you love someone, you don't save it all up for one day, like you're a squirrel storing nuts for winter, but you show it in little or big ways throughout the year, and every year, if that person means so much to you. And, yet again, the same does apply to Christmas, in that we should be expressing these emotions and executing these actions more often. There's no law that says you can't buy something, wrap it up nicely and present it to a loved one when it's not February 14th. Or take your spouse out for a night on the town. And there shouldn't be an end goal, either. Not one that isn't “showing my love”, “showing how much I appreciate my other half” or “making my partner happy”. Last time I checked, Valentine's Day was a day of celebrating love, not “the day where you definitely get some action, it's like, a rule or something”. Really, if sex is your end goal, just go to a bar and be done with it. And I am not suggesting you cheat on your partner, just that if you can't put aside your primal urges and be more romantic, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship, unless that's what your relationship runs on.
That's not me trying to be a prude or to rain on anyone's parade, or an attempt to lecture people on how to live their lives. It's just that... well, I'd like to think romance isn't dead. I wouldn't say I'm the most romantic person in the world, or that I'm an expert on it (far from it. Seriously, words can't express how much I would suck at it) but I'd like to think that romance does win the day when it comes to relationships. That it's not all about the lust, or the idea of being with someone so you don't die alone, or any reasons that wouldn't make a long term relationship work. That two people can be with each other, weighing up the pros and cons and deciding that the good is worth all the little things you may not like.
In fact, I think everyone NEEDS a flaw. It's these little imperfections that keep a person interested. True perfection has to be imperfect. And to not quote or paraphrase someone else, I look at it this way: being first or the best all the time sets up tremendous pressure to maintain such status and you're always going to have people waiting for you to crash and burn. By building yourself up as perfect, you're setting yourself (and others) up for a fall. When something is subjective, there is no 100%. But if you're like me, you still think anything over 50% is good, so that's what you should strive for. Not to be the best, just to have qualities that someone will be attracted to. That's not to say you can't try to better yourself or work on your flaws but you shouldn't have to do a complete personality overhaul. Like it has been said “Learn to love yourself first”. Well, I don't know if I should be saying that. I mean, I don't hate myself, but I think I'm above average. Except in the looks department, that's where I drop the ball, but I can't really help a lot of that and I don't much care, to be honest. But back to flaws, obviously some are deal-breakers, like alcoholism or history of abusing others. Stuff like that just makes me with the justice system of the Western world would man up and just remove the scum, exile them to an island with fierce creatures (or that one with the Smoke Monster, get that one). But little things like singing in the shower or love of sci-fi or something, those can be worked around. Hell, that's even if you call them flaws in the first place, it's not like I can speak for everyone. But if you're with someone who's funny, intelligent, good-natured, caring and just all around beautiful in mind, body and soul, and the worst thing about them is they embarrass you when they dance, that shouldn't be an issue. You shouldn't be trying to fix these things, you should be thinking “As much as I'm not fond of that aspect, I'll take it any day of the week over not being in their arms”. If people change, it should be out of a desire to do so on their own. They shouldn't be pressured into it, they should make that decision on their own.
So, in summary, while I can admire that there is at least one day for romance, can't we just spread the love around? And also, can people (mostly guys, I'm calling you out) actually remember to get their gifts BEFORE Valentine's Day, unless it's set up on the day itself? And enough with the last minute “cards, chocolates and flowers” schtick. Your partners deserve better. That is, if you still have partners after that.
So, for love to truly conquer all, we have to let it show a lot more often. That's something I hope to do.
(Also, apologies for the title. It doesn't make much sense to non-fans of that franchise but since my best friend will be reading this, I know he'll enjoy it. So, you're welcome, buddy).
No comments:
Post a Comment