From Hell's Heart, I Snark At Thee

And now, for another edition of “Australians Being Complete Dumbarses”. If you recall, I once blogged about a boy who bought drugs overseas, got caught, was arrested and the story was being shopped around. Well today, about a week before my nation's national day even, I bring another story of my country's people making complete arses of themselves. So, in short, it's rant time again.

I'm fairly sure overseas readers won't be familiar with this oceanic incident (especially not with the current incident at sea, with the cruise ship hitting rocks off an Italian coast. And my thoughts on that are the sooner the captain is behind bars and getting beaten with sticks, the better) so I'll go into a little background: as is common knowledge, there has been considerable controversy on the Japanese whaling ships. In retaliation, protesters have taken their own ships out there to combat the whalers (one celebrity protester being Isabel Lucas, though I use the term celebrity loosely in her case. As if I didn't already have a reason to hate her, either. And on behalf of Australia, I apologize to the rest of the world for her existence. And Sophie Monk's, too).

Now, before I get into the main focus of this blog, I want to go on record and say I have no opinion on what the Japanese are doing out there. On the one hand, the protesters and activists aren't exactly being subtle with their campaigns and are making themselves look like the villains they're trying to paint the Japanese whalers as. On the other, what exactly can you learn from whales that you hunt and kill?

But what my blog is focusing on today is the behaviour of some of these protesters. A little while ago, three protesters got the idea into their heads that boarding a whaling vessel and forcing the whalers to stop was a stroke of genius. Armed only with a sign saying “Return us to shore in Australia and then remove yourself from our waters”, they boarded and remained on board for some time. Upon being rescued, it was established that this would end up costing Australian taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars for this rescue.

OK, where to start on how pissed off this entire thing makes me.

First off, I don't know much about law in the ocean and where one country's jurisdiction begins and another ends but I'm pretty sure boarding another ship is not only illegal in that your entry is unauthorized but by the fact that you may not even be in your own waters. I don't know if this happened in international waters but I'm sure several laws were broken.

Next, how arrogant do you have to be to assume that between three people, you were going to stop the whalers on your own? What, were they supposed to be awesomed by your presence? “Oh no, three Australians! Clearly we are no match for you, we should pack up and go, lest we incur your wrath!” I mean, I didn't think protesters would go packing heat but what did your strategy involve? Was there even a strategy?

Speaking of strategies, what was your exit strategy? Did you expect dolphins would show up at the convenient moment and whisk you back to Australia like you were in a 90's children's film? Did you think you were guests aboard the ship and that the Japanese would take a right and drop you off even though it was out of their way? Bet you wouldn't put in for gas if that was the case, lousy freeloaders.

The obvious fact that you are protesters already pisses me off, because you're part of the stereotype ones, the ones that think you're so high and mighty and better than the rest of us because you're defending the Earth. Newsflash: a lot of the animals you go out of your way to protect? They will eat you if given the chance. They won't go “Hey, are you that one dude that saved all the dancing bears? Sorry bro, didn't mean to bite at you, you're a hero! Can I have your autograph?” Most animals will not recognize the difference between good and bad human when they're hungry or on a rampage. So, your actions are for naught. Now, if you were content with merely stopping animal testing or protesting fur, more power to you, provided you don't act like dicks about it. But you guys missed that class didn't you?

No, I think what pisses me off most isn't the fact that this is coming out of our pockets, even though that is frustrating, or that you're making us look bad to other countries by showing them we're bullies who go where we please. No, it's the fact that you show no remorse for anything you've done and have not apologized.
I may be paraphrasing or misremembering slightly but I believe one of them said something to the effect of “everyone's entitled to one free rescue”. Being rescued from a burning building or crashed plane is more than acceptable, especially since it wouldn't be the fault of any passengers and probably not of crew. Being rescued from a boat you boarded, illegally I remind you, does not entitle you to the same privilege. Your general attitude towards the whole thing is immature and I liken it to a kid who has done something wrong, been picked up by their parents and not understood or cared about what has just transpired.

There. That's it in a nutshell. You are children. You're acting childish towards citizens from another country, you believe your way is right and you loudly announce so, you go where you please and you can't admit you've done wrong. Exactly like bad children. You owe not just the whaling ships an apology, but all of us too, for shaming us, costing us money in an already unstable economy and for acting like you've done the right thing.

Right, I'd better end this before I get too frustrated. And yes, I know I changed styles from talking about these idiots to talking to them but that's what happens when you rant, trains of thought go to all sorts of stations.

Bottom line, you want to protest, do it right and be smart about it. It's not about proving you're right by demeaning your opponent or lying, it's about using what you have to say “Well, this is my argument, here are my facts to back it up”. Bullying is not the way to do it. And again, I remind you all I am not defending the whalers. Sometimes, a conflict can have two villains. I'm not saying the whalers are but I do know they are least acting with more dignity than this trio of tosspots.