The End Is The Beginning Is The End

Happy New Year to all my blog readers (at this point, both of you)! Well, 2011 has drawn to a close and the new year has begun.
The end of the year is usually seen as a time for reflection and consideration of what we want next year, almost like a tally of pros and cons and gearing up for the next possible pros and cons for the coming year (maybe whoever's in charge of fireworks and such down here could reconsider the budget. Do we really need to spend millions each year on loud flashy things that people forget about within the next twenty-four hours, or quicker if they're drunk, when the money could go to more important things? No, scratch that, ACTUAL important things? And let's not forget how many pets often go missing when they hear fireworks. Granted, that's partly the fault of people being careless/distracted by all the pretty colours and such but not everyone is so stupid to forget their pets but the pets still get out anyway).

When we look at this year, what exactly do we see? Well, of course the biggest thing 2011 will be remembered for is perhaps being the year that evil took a huge blow. Namely, with the deaths of Osama Bin Laden, Muammar Gaddafi and Kim Jong-il. Now, this may be bordering on controversial depending on which part of the world you live in, but I'd say that's a pretty good effort (and in Bin Laden's case, well overdue. Oh well, better late than never I suppose). The great thing is, it's going to be hard to argue that I'm wrong or out of line because, much like trying to defend Hitler, the atrocities they committed or the ones done in their name will always outweigh any redeeming factors they may have had, if they even had any at all.

On a related note, this year marked the end of the War On Terror (that name makes no sense to me. You can't call war on a concept. Unless Terror now has personification. Maybe the next war will be something like the War On Ambivalence. Or the War On Apathy, if they can be bothered or whatever). Ten years but finally, it's over. Well, as over as it can be. I mean, war doesn't exactly clean up neatly does it? Lots of rebuilding to be done and all that. But at least, the families of everyone serving overseas will have their loved ones back where they belong.
I want to make something clear, too: I am not anti-war. I am, however, anti-stupid and that's largely what this war was. Well, the motivations and such behind it, since I doubt it would have taken ten years to find one man. Anyway, that's all I'm saying about the war. About being anti-stupid, I don't mean stupid like Gilligan stupid, where people are book dumb and not too bright but have big hearts and good personalities, I mean Paris Hilton stupid, where the arrogance and self-serving attitude outweigh any such notions of good traits. And I say this as someone who doesn't regard themselves as highly intelligent. Or intelligent in general, I just know big words and copious (see, there I go again )amounts of pop culture.

So, let's move on from the general debate starters (probably for the best since I don't recall any of the other big things that impacted the world this year) and move on to personal reflection. How did this year stack up for me? Well, I can sum it up in one sentence: a lot better than 2010 for damn sure! And for reasons I won't go into, either. Suffice it to say, 2010 wasn't my best year but I turned my life around in 2011 and came to an epiphany, due partly to the support network I have of my many friends and family members (and I thank each and every one of them for everything they have done and will do). Do I think 2012 will be better for me? As surprising as this may sound coming from me, yes. Yes, I think 2012 will be better for me. Now, 2011 didn't suck entirely (I mean, 365 days in a year, some things are bound to go wrong, right?) as I got through it without a hospital trip this time (long story, involves the unmentionable from 2010), no one I knew passed away, I've begun training for a management program through my job and overall, I've felt better about myself than I ever have in my life. I still have doubts about myself, and a lot of things I have to work on and overcome, but for the first time in my life, I think I'm truly happy.

But what do I hope for 2012? Well, I'm not expecting the world to end, like those Mayan prophecies are suggesting (I still hold the belief that the apocalypse will be by our own hand, like nuclear war or America elects one of those Jersey Shore sacks of crap as president. Seriously, I think that could happen. And that thought scares me a lot.) and I suspect that once again, every other prophecy about the world's demise will be retooled, with a hasty “What we MEANT to say was July 19th... 2013! See, the 3 looked like a 2 so we're totally right! Obey our Lord who may or may not hate you for reasons we describe in poor detail and change when we can't have our way! Oh and give us money so we can continue conning you!”
No, I expect we'll carry on as usual, as we do. Though hopefully we'll work out new cures for various diseases, maybe even AIDS. And hopefully, we'll smarten ourselves up a bit, myself included.

To end on a light note, what does a pop culture junkie like me look forward to this year in those terms? Well, let's break it down:
-Australia will finally get a DVD release of The Walking Dead, Season 1, so I look forward to that (now I have to read both my trades before then)
-Stephen King has a new addition to The Dark Tower series, entitled The Wind Through The Keyhole (and if we're lucky, Doctor Sleep will see a release date of later this year)
-While I have been picking up and enjoying some of the New 52 from DC, this year will see the relaunch of a title I eagerly await: Batman Incorporated (hopefully there's a trade of the first few issues, the ones that lead to Batwing, who has his own title)
-Since I recently got a 3DS, I have been waiting for a bigger game library, even though some of the current titles don't look that bad, like the new Resident Evil game and I am having fun with Super Mario 3D Land and Mario Kart 7. That being said, bring on Kid Icarus: Uprising and Luigi's Mansion 2! Also, can't wait for Lego Batman 2: DC Superheroes and I'm interested in the upcoming Wii U
-Movies, however, remain a big drawcard. Especially this year with stuff like Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows (not too long before its out here and I will be doing a blog on it), The Avengers (duh!), The Dark Knight Rises (double duh!), The Dark Knight Returns (great year for Batman), Justice League: Doom (Batman appears yet again), Superman Vs. The Elite, The Amazing Spider-Man, Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance, Skyfall, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, J. Edgar, One For The Money, The Cabin In The Woods, Prometheus and Django Unchained

So, let us venture into that new year and see what it holds for us. Stay safe and have a happy new year, everyone.

There's A Toy Lodged In My Brain

Christmas Day itself may have come and gone but doesn't mean Christmas time itself has gone for the year. Heck, when you live in an extended family, chances are you're not going to see everybody in the one day. That goes double if you have to work that day or night, plus the day or night before and after.

What does this have to do with anything? Just that I feel like sharing some of my favourite Christmas themed pieces of entertainment.
But what to blog about? There aren't any Christmas comics that I've read, or even know about (except for the ones reviewed on Atop The Fourth Wall, unless you want to count the Christmas-set issue of the limited series Batman: The Long Halloween but since it's part of a larger story, it would be better off in its own review). As for books, only one I can still recall the details of was Skipping Christmas by John Grisham, a delightful little book (literally, could even be a novella) about two people who decide to spend the money they have saved for Christmas with their daughter (who isn't coming home that year) on something for themselves and avoid Christmas altogether. That would be turned into a movie with a name that makes me want to throw myself off a cliff every time I say it. Actually, what I'll do is direct you to a link I co-authored with my best friend: http://daveherndon.blogspot.com/2011/12/5-worst-christmas-movies-of-all-time.html#comment-form
(Hopefully you read his other blogs too, he's the one who got me to start my own. Wait... that also means you have someone to blame for my tripe, too).
Well, there was also a “holiday novella” from the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich, titled Visions Of Sugar Plums but I read that ages ago and can't remember it that well. I'm going to need to borrow that from the library again one day.
And I can't think of any Christmas related video games either, except maybe James Pond 2 (man, that's going WAY back). Or Elf Bowling, that was fun. I'm going to Hell for that remark, aren't I?
Movies and music, however, now we got something.

Favourite Christmas related movies, it's the usual fare, the kind of stuff you see on other people's lists (Die Hard, It's A Wonderful Life, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, The Nightmare Before Christmas). Actually, check out the other list my best friend and I co-authored: http://daveherndon.blogspot.com/2011/12/16-best-christmas-movies-of-all-time.html#comment-form

Music, however, that I feel the need to comment on. Rather that do a top 10 list, I'm going to keep it nice and short and present my top 5 Christmas songs. All of these are on my list not just for the reasons listed below, but for one unifying reason: I can listen to these all year around and not get sick of them or even be reminded of Christmas, they are just that awesome. Sometimes it seems like the Christmas references are just incidental.

5. Last Christmas- Wham!
Yeah, this isn't that big a shock. I mean, what list doesn't this appear on? Well, I have it on mine because it's catchy, vibrant and doesn't have to apply to Christmas itself, as its about a failed romance. Also, fun clip.

4. Xmas Song from the Futrama episode A Tale Of Two Santas
OK, this is kind of cheating but I can't get it out of my head sometimes and it's their best song. Not sure if that is the exact title but if you have seen the episode, you know exactly what I'm talking about and if you haven't, you probably had no intention of watching the series anyway. So maybe just YouTube it. Anyway, it's hilarious and the cast have impressing singing voices (with special mention to Katey Segal). Best lyric: “If I weren't stuck here frozen, I'd harpoon you in the eye”. Classic

3. Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)- The Darkness
Yeah, in case you can't tell, these songs are all fairly modern and this one is possibly the most recent. Epic rocking but still Christmasy (and the clip is great too) and Justin Hawkins is perhaps one of the best damn vocalists of the rock genre.

2. The Night Santa Went Crazy- Weird Al Yankovic
Yeah, this isn't one I'd recommend for the kids. And for a Weird Al song, it's actually really dark, talking about Santa snapping and the onslaught after that. Still, it's musically awesome, the lyrics hilarious and Weird Al's almost always enthusiastic when he sings and this is no exception. I'd post my favourite lyric but that would lead to a spoiler (a song with a spoiler, how weird is that?) So, I'll go with my second favourite: “Broke his back for some milk and cookies/seems to me like he was tired of getting gypped”.

1. All I Want For Christmas Is You- Mariah Carey
Yeah, yeah, a romantic song on this list. What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic (tell no one). Why is it first? Because shut up. But if you really want a reason, because of the warm glow the song gives off and the heartwarming nature.

I could also talk about my favourite Christmas episodes from the many TV shows I watch, but the biggest would be anything from How I Met Your Mother, Futurama (as stated above) and two Simspons episodes in particular: Marge Be Not Proud (the one where Bart steals the Bonestorm video game) and Miracle On Evergreen Terrace (the one where Bart destroys the Christmas tree and presents and the town is convinced they were scammed). As a kid, I remember enjoying the Pac-Man Christmas special, though that was probably due to the fact that I liked the cartoon and the Atari 2600 games Pac-Man, Jr. and Mrs. Pac-Man. Never got to play the original on that console until I got older. It would have sucked back then as it does now, unlike the two that followed it. I don't know how the Christmas special would hold up today, though.

Well, another short one. Next time, I reflect on the year that was and the things to come.

My Christmas Wish For 2011

Well, Christmas time is upon us again. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like the time goes by so fast that it's almost always Christmas again. Though, I feel Christmas is better when you're a kid, anyway. So full of wonder, still believing in Santa, never quite knowing what to expect in the way of gifts. And back then is when it seemed to drag on. The lead-up to Christmas, I mean. Once you're on school holidays, no amount of video games, TV, playing outside will kill enough time to get you closer to Christmas. And yet the next day, it all goes back to normal, regardless of whether or not you still have your tree up.

But as you get older, you learn to appreciate a lot more than the gifts. Oh sure, they're nice, especially the true surprises, but you find a different magic than what your parents have said of Santa's magic. Or rather, you find out that it really IS their magic, because of all the effort that gets put into it each and every year. As we get older and have kids of our own, our parents have grandchildren to dote on and keep the Santa story alive with. But there's also gift-wrapping (especially if you're someone like me, who is terrible at such a thing), lunch/dinner preparations (or both), not to mention the hours of shopping that goes into all this, especially if it's eleventh hour (though I've never really been big on that. I mean, we know exactly which date it's coming so shouldn't we be planning ahead? Though I admit I go a little overboard in being prepared, often scouting for gifts and such around the last week of October). And like I said, after a day or two, it's all over. All this preparation for one day of the year that will quickly be forgotten until we do it all over again in the next year and the year after. I'm surprised that there aren't many reports of people just going nuts at the sheer thought of it. So, before moving on to my next paragraph, I'd like to thank all the parents of the world for everything they do every Christmas, every tree decorated, every gift bought, all the driving they do, just for one day of the year. I can't imagine how you all do it but that's a magic we need to harness, perhaps the truest magic of all: the willpower to do what must be done regardless of the outcome.

I have to be completely honest, I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas. I'm no Scrooge, buying presents and being helpful are two things that bring me joy in life, but I think it really comes to down to the crushing blow of reality. What I mean is, virtually all year round, humans aren't exactly saints and paragons of virtue. OK, we can't be perfect (and I don't believe perfection exists in subjective fields but I digress), but you have to admit we could be better than we are now. It almost seems like some news stories are the result of some people thinking “We could out-do others in sheer bastardry/stupidity!” and they do. It's like one big pissing contest to see who can force humanity down into a pit of darkness the most. And the crushing blow comes in when I hope against hope that each Christmas, that people think for just one day, “You know, today I think I'll not be a total asshat and try acting with grace and civility”. This is not a commentary on the whole of humanity, I acknowledge that there are huge quantities of extremely decent people and to those people, I say keep at it, you are the people that keep us from sinking into the aforementioned pit of darkness. Even the smallest acts of kindness are all the world needs sometimes, just to remind us we have the capacity for good. But sometimes I don't know if I'm hopeless for wanting people to stop being stupid for just a little while or an idiot for not seeing the good around me. I guess I'm used to the bad that I'm almost blind to the good.

So, that leads me to wonder, what is my Christmas wish then? I can't exactly wish for world peace for just one day so we know what it's like, because how do I know that won't lead to extreme measures to get that feeling back? A lot of us become so obsessed once we have a small taste of something that we lose sight of everything but the goal.
I do have a thing or two I wish for Christmas but those are purely for me, so I have to work at that (and work I will).
No, I have it. You know what I wish upon the world for Christmas? That for one day, Death takes a holiday. I make no pun, how about for one day, everybody is spared so we can spend the day in the warmth of our loved ones. Now, I know there are people who prefer the embrace of Death, be they depressed or suffering from an illness that is taking their very life from them. Well, for them, I wish them relief, even for just one day, for what ails them. Just one twenty-four hour period where there is no pain or death. I know this sounds like world peace in a respect, but I acknowledge that crime will still be committed and fights may still occur, I just mean everyone should just have one day where they say “Screw everything that's happening in my life, I'm going to be happy and comfortable in the arms of the people I love.

And you know what? I'm not limiting that to people who celebrate Christmas either. If you celebrate anything like Hanukkah, Tet, Kwanzaa, or if you don't celebrate anything, I still wish that upon you. Doesn't matter what walk of life you're from, it's something we all deserve.

So, in closing, all I have to say is: Happy Holidays, and stay safe. Thank you all.

The Movies Of 2011 Part 3: Anachronistic Robots Vs. Men Of Magic. Taking All Bets

And now, for the final post of the movies I've seen for 2011. Here, I present the bottom five and the top five.

For the bottom five, I've decided to reverse the order, to save the worst for last (until we get to the best, no way am I ending this blog on a sour note). I should also point out that while nothing was rated lower than a 2, that could change if I decide to give them another chance. Possibly sometime in the near future, I intend to look at the films I have that I gave 2 or 2.5 stars, to determine whether or not I want to keep them or toss them. Think of it as a make-up exam.



46. The Dilemma (Ron Howard)
Or, One Episode Of A Subpar Sitcom Extended To Feature Length. Seriously, if Vince Vaughn's character stopped to think about what he's trying to say and approach it more rationally, this movie would have been over in 30 minutes. And this is one of the rare times where he's not playing some smarmy slacker, which might be why he's one of the only good aspects of this film (the other being Winona Ryder doing the best with what little she's given, despite being the closest thing this movie has to a villain). Not all that funny and not all that memorable. Just kind of sad. 2.5/5

47. No Strings Attached (Ivan Reitman)
You know, this has something in common with the above entry: both have directors that should be above the material provided. And of course, this shares a similar concept to Friends With Benefits. Except whereas Friends With Benefits remembers to have fun before reaching the obvious conclusion, No Strings Attached just groans and says “Just wake me when you're finished”. Natalie Portman really looks like she doesn't want to be there and Ashton Kutcher gets on your nerves after a while. They fare better than the supporting cast though, as they all SUCK. Unhelpful asshats who I wanted to see get punched in the back of the head. Every last one of them (and when you make me dislike Cary Elwes, you really screwed yourself over. Kevin Kline is the sole exception, he shouldn't get a punch to the back of the head. A “what were you thinking, you were in A Fish Called Wanda for the love of God” moment, sure). I give the movie credit for actually making the male character try and instigate romance for a change but that's about it. Natalie Portman, like James Franco, makes multiple entries in this years list but I sure as Hell won't be regarding this as one of her best.
Here's the movie in a nutshell:
“Go out with me”
“No”
“Go out with me”
“No”
“Go out with me”
“No”
“Go out with me”
Sighs “Fine” 2.5/5

48. Sucker Punch (Zack Snyder)
I was surprised that I found movies that I liked less than this. For the longest time, I felt sure this was going to be on the very bottom of my 2011 list. That's not exactly high praise, however. I have reviewed this one in an earlier blog too, and as I said before, the aspects keeping this film from being a potentially good one are the below average acting, the plot holes and the anachronisms. Especially the anachronisms. The only work not based on anything else in Zack's filmography and it's the one that makes us bury our heads into our hands and wonder where it all went wrong. Ah well, no hard feelings eh Zack? I'm still going to rock up for Man Of Steel, come Hell or high water. 2.5/5

49. MacGruber (Jorma Taccone)
I know next to nothing about the character as seen on Saturday Night Live. After seeing this, I really don't think I want to. Who decided this was worth 90 minutes of our time? Look, I get that people create unlikeable characters on purpose and that's the joke. But here's what they forget: WE HAVE TO WATCH THEM THE ENTIRE TIME! Would you want to be stuck with him for 90 minutes if this was a real guy? I'd want to blow myself up after 10, if he wouldn't beat me to it with his ineptitude. And bare in mind, in real life, you don't have Kristen Wiig to keep you sane, or Val Kilmer to kill him. If you're rooting for the villain because he's cool or mysterious, that's a good villain. When you're rooting for the villain because you hate the hero, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong. Doesn't help that most of the jokes are more miss than hit, the romance angle is telegraphed just by looking at the bloody DVD cover and I don't understand why, if MacGruber misses his wife but has fallen in love with Vicki St. Elmo, his wife tells him to be with her, yet they have sex. MacGruber and his dead wife have sex. The beauty of this is it works both ways: if he didn't imagine it, it's a minor plothole and makes no sense. If he did imagine it, it's a crappy joke.
MacGruber: protecting the world from humor everywhere. 2/5

And now, for the bottom of the barrel of what I've seen this year:

50. Hall Pass (Peter and Bobby Farrelly)
I wasn't expecting much. I expected the bare minimum from this. How do you manage not to even meet that? Oh wow, yet another “men like sex, women are bitches who exist to complain about the men they are married to and could leave at any time since no one has a gun to their head but they don't leave” comedy. That's breaking new ground! Almost every joke can be changed to read “blah blah blah, sex” over and over again. I'll spoil the movie for you: the wives don't leave their husbands. Never mind the fact that one is very unpleasant and the other is only just slightly above him in terms of passing for human (that one being played by Owen Wilson). Nicky Whelan does not add a damn thing and is quickly joining Sophie Monk and Isabel Lucas in the group of Australian “actresses” who need to stop being in movies and vanish from the movie/TV scene all together (and do NOT go back to music, Sophie Monk, you sucked at that too). Also, why bother cast Alyssa Milano if you're not going to do anything with her? I really, really wanted to give this a chance. But it fumbled every chance of elevating itself. So, you are indeed the worst film I have seen in 2011. 2/5

And we conclude with the five films I give the highest recommendations to

5. Captain America: The First Avenger (Joe Johnston)
DC may be riding high with its nigh-untouchable Nolan directed Batman series but Marvel's striking back with its solid stable of characters and here's the best of the year. The star spangled man has a plan: to kick ass and take names. And kick ass he does. Chris Evans, while being an alright Johnny Storm in the Fantastic Four films, proves his acting chops much better here and the support cast is as awesome, like the rest of the recent Marvel movies. Like a war movie with additional sprinklings of superheroes and villains, it excels at action very nearly beats Iron Man as the best movie from Marvel Studios. If I wasn't already pumped for The Avengers (and I was ever since Iron Man finished!), I am now. If this year was an excellent year for comic book movies, next year will be the year comic book movies ascend to a new level. It'll be like 2008 all over again, but with higher stakes. And I say bring it. Until then, I highly, highly recommend Captain America: The First Avenger. 4/5

4. Source Code (Duncan Jones)
This may sound negative, but this is clearly the Inception of 2011. It may sound negative because it looks like I'm saying it's a knock-off, but it's praise, because I love Inception (best film of 2010 in my opinion). It's like Inception because it's complex but simple to get a hold of, intelligent without losing its emotional center. Like Inception, it wants you to learn but doesn't force its lessons upon you. It wants you to learn naturally. It's a kind teacher who wants you to figure out the answers so that you may enrich yourself. It is a film that says “I merely offer a look into this world. Now it is up to you to follow the trail”. Films that leave you asking questions like a curious child are great. You feel changed by it. And that's what cinema is to me: an experience that gives me something new to consider. Definitely a must-see. Also, Moon, Duncan Jones' first film. Go see that too. 4.5/5

3. Rabbit Hole (John Cameron Mitchell)
YES. This is high quality drama. This is one of the most realistic drama films I have ever seen. The characters are three dimensional, the dialogue feels like what we would say in everyday life. I can't say the acting is excellent, that is an insult. Nicole Kidman has never been better and Aaron Eckhart has another knock-out role under his belt. No one is portrayed as being in the wrong, no one is made into a monster. Even the teenage catalyst for the tragedy that the plot is based around is completely sympathetic. On that note, the actor playing him, Miles Teller? I demand he get more work.
Sometimes, the best films are the ones you don't expect to be transcendental. What I expected to be a good film became something much bigger. And I am grateful to have seen this film. 4.5/5

2. Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 (David Yates)
And so, the Harry Potter film franchise draws to a close. It's been a spellbinding ride and this film goes all out. Unlike a certain other book-turned-film franchise, the split into two parts was completely justifiable. Action-packed, emotional and faithful to its source material (not 100% but really, that's too much to expect) it captured the main events of the book flawlessly and added new dimensions to already beloved characters (Neville Longbottom's badassery was finally on display for the masses to revel in!) I love the books, I love the games and I love the films. As another door closes for Harry Potter, another opens with Pottermore. So long, Harry, and thanks for everything. 4.5/5

And now, my absolute favourite film of the year

1. Black Swan (Darren Aronofsky)
I've mentioned aspects that make great films when I've brought up Inception in this blog and previous posts, but another, smaller aspect, is that a great film punishes you for thinking it was going to go down a cliché route or do the familiar. Well, Black Swan, I only thought it once, but I apologize and I sing your praises now and forever. The casting, like Rabbit Hole, goes beyond excellent and is on another level altogether. The dedication to detail, acting and direction-wise, is what makes this a cut above most other films. Natalie Portman absolutely shines as Nina, Mila Kunis stuns with her role as Lily and I really hope this opens a lot more doors in the film world for her. The musical score knows when to be silent and when to jar you, the images meant to confuse you don't linger and they're often more effective jump scares than you see in horror movies! And the ending is a perfect capper to such a show-stopper.
Another thing that makes this really special is that this is the first film I saw this year, and it couldn't be dethroned by forty-nine entries (OK, some had no chance in Hell but still), even with the awe of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2, the emotional conflicts of Rabbit Hole, the though inspiring nature of Source Code and the high-flying action of Captain America: The First Avenger. Delightful from start to finish. THE must see film, above all others. 4.5/5

Well, there you have it. There were some films that couldn't meet the bare minimum, some that got by on their meager offerings, some with interesting ideas that couldn't take them to the end game, some that I hold in high regard and some that I treasure so very dearly. Hopefully, I've inspired you to see even just one of these films (just hopefully not the bottom five, unless you're riffing on any of them. In that case, go right for it). And with 2012 having a great slate of films, I think next year may prove even better.

The Movies Of 2011 Part 2: Apes, Trains And Automobiles That Are Actually Giant Robots In Disguise

And so, we carry on the theme of the movies of 2011 that I have seen. Here are the films #25-#6, with the top and bottom five to be displayed in the next blog.

25. Bridesmaids (Paul Feig)
Another I've already reviewed, and it's a very good comedy. Uneven to begin with but picks up traction by the third act, despite not knowing to do with some of its characters and a karma Houdini rival. I really hope Kristen Wiig gets a higher profile from this, she has huge potential. And if partnered up with Tina Fey, they could prove a nigh-unbeatable team. 3.5/5

24. Friends With Benefits (Will Gluck)
Seems like the whole 'friends with benefits' thing is kicking off in movies these days, so the movie with that very title gets a chance to shine. And shine it does. Justin Timberlake (more than making up for what he did in Bad Teacher) and Mila Kunis have excellent chemistry and comedic timing, with the jokes being more hit than miss and flying fast. Just don't expect the wheel to be reinvented and you'll be fine. 3.5/5

23. The Thing (Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.)
A prequel with a story that actually needed to be told and even then it still had surprises. Resembling but not quite replicating the feel of the John Carpenter masterpiece, it carves its own place into the mythology. Helping the atmosphere are great performances, a recurring subplot reflecting the opinions of the nations at the time and no damn forced romance. Granted, we see more of the titular creature than we ought to, thus eliminating some of the mystery but still. I'd love another trip into this world. 3.5/5

22. Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (Rupert Wyatt)
Say what you will about reboots, sometimes they ARE necessary. And this one is a treat. Unlike Green Lantern and the Michael Bay Transformers series, the focus is even on the humans and the simians, with characters developing naturally. James Franco shines, Andy Serkis maintains his crown as the motion-capture king, the action is fierce and the end is actually kind of unexpected. Oh, and one more thing: if you mess with John Lithgow and a chimp attacks you, totally your fault. And on a related note, I demand John Lithgow be in more films/television shows. Between this and his time on Dexter, he proves he's still a powerful player in the game. 3.5/5

21.Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Michael Bay)
Despite what grievances I have with the series (and there are a few, in a blog post I'll do in the new year), this was still a slick action film. The humor is toned down, the details closer to the G1 continuity, the Decepticons menacing again, the addition of Leonard Nimoy and we replaced Megan Fox with someone slightly less irritating. Could have done without Patrick Dempsey, though (or as I call him, Slimy Von Douchington. I don't care who you think you are, either, you do NOT order Soundwave around like he works for you. He should backhand you, bitch. Soundwave superior, you are inferior!) and I don't know how they're going to go with a fourth based on how it ended. Still, I'm keen to see where they go (fingers crossed for Unicron. Also, Dinobots. Me David demand to see Grimlock!) 4/5

20. Rango (Gore Verbinski)
Johnny Depp and Gore Verbinski reunite for this delightfully delivered animated animal family film. The ultimate chameleon (Johnny, that is) disappears into another colourful character, and Isla Fisher is virtually unrecognizable as the female lead. Playing up the Western genre while being affectionate towards it is the key element here. Good times indeed. 4/5

19. 127 Hours (Danny Boyle)
Wow, James Franco gets around a lot doesn't he? Three entries in this list alone (not the only multiple entry, though), there's no stopping him. And who would, when he's doing stuff like this? Much like a one-man play, the burden lies on him to carry the weight of the film. Luckily, he makes the experience memorable with his ability to run the gauntlet of emotions. Easily makes up for Slumdog Millionaire. 4/5

18. True Grit (Joel and Ethan Coen)
I've only seen about half their filmography so far but I hold the belief that the Coens are incapable of making a crap movie. Average ones, maybe (like A Serious Man) but that would be as low as they can go and that's not bad. And their adaptation of True Grit is one of the better ones. Darker than the first adaptation, it boasts magnificent acting from the ace Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon, a great musical score and a lovely atmosphere you can get lost in. I still prefer the first adaptation, but this is no slouch either. 4/5

17. Unstoppable (Tony Scott)
Boy, Tony Scott loves his trains doesn't he? And more power to him, it's actually a solid drama/disaster film. Chris Pine and Denzel Washington play off each other really well, the little details are not neglected and the threat of an oncoming, unmanned train crashing is always taken seriously. Rosario Dawson is just the icing on the cake. 4/5

16. The Fighter (David O. Russell)
Much like an upcoming entry, an unusual but not unwelcome biopic. Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg make a great pair and their acting is of the highest standard. Also of note is Amy Adams, doing an impressive Boston accent. The dialogue is sharp and this is easily in the same ranks of other great boxing movies like the early Rocky films and Raging Bull. 4/5

15. Batman: Year One (Lauren Montgomery/Sam Liu)
Not the best Batman animated feature from DC's Animated Original line (that honor goes to Under The Red Hood) but still one of the finest direct adaptations of a comic I've ever seen. While Benjamin McKenzie never really gets a handle on being Bruce Wayne or Batman, he's not terrible, though the real stand-out is Bryan Cranston as James Gordon. The action is fast paced and not toned down from the comic and much like the original story, it's as much about Gordon's first year in Gotham as much as it is Bruce's as Batman. Also, Eliza Dushku as Selina Kyle. Words cannot describe the level of awesome she brings. And she gets her own short too, so bonus! 4/5

14. The Adjustment Bureau (George Nalfi)
Not exactly what I was expecting but I still applaud what we have here. Matt Damon and Emily Blunt's relationship is a delight to watch develop, with all the cute little moments (like the footrace) and the concept is intriguing. Also, it pulls out a trump card with Terrence Stamp's performance. Seriously, the man's got a commanding presence.

13. Green Lantern: Emerald Knights (Christopher Berkeley, Lauren Montgomery and Jay Oliva)
The better Green Lantern film. An anthology with some interesting stories (including one of my all time favourite Green Lantern comic stories, Mogo Doesn't Socialize), the usual high quality DC animation and Nathan Fillion being an awesome Hal Jordan (and he was who I was hoping for when the Green Lantern live action film was in pre-production. But then, Nathan Fillion runs on awesome.) Nathan will be back for the next DC Animated Original movie (Justice League: Doom) and I'll be there. 4/5

12. All-Star Superman (Sam Liu)
The winner of this crop of DC Animated Original films and the first solo Superman film to do so. Despite missing some of the smaller moments of the Grant Morrison story, it's still a sheer delight to see Superman's epic stories take flight. As usual, the animation and voice casting lift the DC films above Marvel's and when you have James Denton, Christina Hendricks, Anthony LaPaglia, Alexis Denisof and Linda Cardellini, you have a top team indeed. 4/5

11. Thor (Kenneth Branagh)
Again, to summarize my own review, the key to Thor is that it takes the fish out of water concept and deliberately avoids all the cliches. Thor is never treated like an idiot, and Jane is a well-written love interest (as are all the love interests in the Marvel Studio productions, actually.) Thor also gets to kick ass and take names and Anthony Hopkins just makes it all the more enjoyable. I'll say it again: “I now take from you, your power! In the name of my father, and his father before, I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!” I will never get tired of that. 4/5

10. Paul (Greg Mottola)
Despite the lack of Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost carry on and are just as hilarious as ever. The character of Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen) is extremely likeable, as is Kristen Wiig's, and it's like one giant love letter to the sci-fi genre. Affectionate and funny, it was always due to hit my top ten. Oh and Jason Bateman is just awesome. I want to go on record with that. 4/5

9. Arthur (Peter Baynham)
Taking this film on its own merits (I haven't seen the original yet, I plan to eventually), it's a lot of fun. And I'm not a huge fan of Russell Brand (at least in this film he cleaned himself up and doesn't look like a wino who's going to mug me) but damn if he doesn't deliver. Jennifer Garner seems to be having a lot of fun playing the bitch, Helen Mirren provides wonderful support and the character arc Arthur goes through is touching and believable. A feel-good film I highly recommend. 4/5

8. I Love You, Phillip Morris (Glenn Ficarra/John Requa)
Sometimes the best biopics come from the most unlikely sources and this is a serious contender to become my favourite. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor work so well together that I demand they appear together again, in any capacity. A story full of surprises, and equal parts cute and funny, this is a criminally (pun not intended, for anyone who has seen the film) underrated film. 4/5

7. Scream 4 (Wes Craven)
After a long absence, Ghostface is back with a vengeance. Kicking it old school, Scream 4 comes back to show the kids how its done. It stays in the familiar while using the tricks that have arisen in the time between the third and fourth film, a wise move indeed. Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox and David Arquette can't be faulted, we've come to greet them like old friends. And hey, Hayden Panettiere is actually great in something! Also, after being wowed by him in Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, it's nice to see Rory Culkin in an excellent supporting role again. The kills are still fresh and the twists still engaging. Welcome back, Scream, we've missed you. Don't stay away too long now. 4/5

6. Super 8 (J.J Abrams)
Spellbinding. Mysterious in typical Abrams fashion and just like his other mysteries, you're dying to get to the bottom of it. All the child actors are wonderful, and I hope they go on to have long and prosperous careers. The train sequence is one of the most amazing scenes captured on film and the rest of the film has you on the edge of your seat. I am a little put off by how much the kids swear (did all kids swear like sailors back in the 70's? Seriously, swap some of the slang and they would sound like the kids today, only the kids in the movie are much smarter and more mature than kids today) but that's the most minor gripe I can think of if I'm forced to. Otherwise, it's one of the most original films I've seen this year and one of the best cinema experiences. I cannot urge people enough to go see it. 4/5

Well, certainly a varied list again, though this one having a lot more comic book related movies (I'm a comic nerd, so sue me. If I do a list for 2012, expect to see a lot of them again).

Only one more to go. Which films will be the cream of the crop and which will be the ones that cause me to hang my head in shame? Find out next time.

The Movies Of 2011 Part 1: Lawyers, Psychics, Space Cops And Clones, Oh My!

Once, twice, three times a theme week (hmm, maybe I should have swapped this and the previous one around to make this joke). This week, I'm ranking the fifty movies released this year that I have seen.

For anyone who has read previous blogs, it's probably no secret that I love movies. Almost never do I have a empty “to watch” pile and as of writing, my amount of movies to view is between twenty-five to thirty films. I've been collecting movies for over a decade and I have no intentions of stopping.

So, I present my personal ranking for each of the fifty films released this year that I have seen. And as of writing, I have all but three on DVD (though most of them I watched on DVD anyway, some were straight-to-DVD here and some would have been straight-to-DVD regardless of where it was released)

Now, I want to cover a few things before I get into the blog proper:
Some of these films might have been released overseas in 2010 (or earlier even) but I'm going by Australian release, cinema or otherwise.
Not everything here is going to be a big release so if it's not on here, I haven't seen it yet and it's not among the movies I have to watch (stuff like Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Cars 2) and there are some I'm not going to. Ever (like Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol). I'll probably get to my thoughts on those another time once I actually see them
I won't be doing plot synopsis because that would take up more time and going through fifty films with a short statement of what I thought is long enough. Also, in some cases, I imagine you know the story or the gist of the goings-on.
I'm going to do things in a slightly different matter. I'm going to save my bottom five for the last post, to go with my top five, as comparison to what the year has seen in good and bad movies. This post will cover #45-#26, listing title, director and rating.

So, with that out of the way, let's start the movie rankings, in reverse order

45. The Ward (John Carpenter)
I've seen two films set in an asylum in this year, and both seem bent on destroying any chances for films set in asylums to be good. The acting is sub-par, the pacing boring and the ending... well, without spoiling anything, let's just say I've seen another film involving a crazy person with a very, very similar ending. After a long absence from the film world, this is a disappointing return from a man who's done so many horror classics. 2.5/5

44. Season Of The Witch (Dominic Sena)
Despite Nicholas Cage, Christopher Lee and Ron Perlman being experts at making crap seem... well, less crap, this film can't rely on them alone. It's dull and dreary and lacking surprise. Hopefully Nic and Ron get to act together again, in a much better film. 2.5/5

43. Morning Glory (Roger Michell)
This film had serious potential to be something, with decent acting from Rachel McAdams and Diane Keaton and even better acting from Harrison Ford. But the plot basically throws up its hands and goes “You win, standard cliches, I'll behave more conventionally” and the romantic sub-plot is poorly handled. Not the best work of any of the actors/actresses involved, or even the director. 2.5/5

42. The Next Three Days (Paul Haggis)
Russell Crowe and Elizabeth Banks work really well together and the ending is neatly executed. But this is one long movie. And I mean it, the time really drags on. And you feel it could be better edited. Still, it's a good little film. 3/5

41. Dead Space: Aftermath (Mike Disa)
Yeah, I probably should have played the games first (as of writing, I only have the first) as I might have understood it better. Though I have seen Deadfall and I got that with little trouble. I mean, it's not a bad film, but it doesn't really take kindly to newcomers. But I guess that's more my fault than the movie's. Though, what the movie can take blame for is switching back and forth between animation styles, one of which is ugly and off-putting. 3/5

40. The Mechanic (Simon West)
Jason Statham as Jason Statham alias Jason Statham in Jason Statham Shoots Stuff While Looking Serious. Really, if you don't know that going in, you don't know Jason Statham. Still, not a bad action film. Needs more Donald Sutherland though, the man's an icon. 3/5

39. Unknown (Jaume Collet-Serra)
So, is Liam Neeson the guy who loses stuff on a regular basis instead of Harrison Ford?
“We now return to Liam Neeson in Liam Neeson Wants His Identity Back”
“Give me back my identity!”
“I want my identity back!”
But seriously, it's an OK film. Neeson is as good as always and the ending is well thought out, but it's all that remarkable. 3/5

38. Limitless (Neil Burger)
Interesting premise and Bradley Cooper can carry a film. Abbie Cornish still hasn't improved since I first saw her though and in the second half, the film seems to become a new film almost divorced from its first half. Also, the ending is a cop-out. Still worth a look. 3/5

37. Veronika Decides To Die (Emily Young)
I've been a fan of Sarah Michelle Gellar since her Buffy days and it's always nice to see her try something different (still have to see Ringer, too) and she, along with David Thewlis, are the saving graces. Otherwise, the film is easily distracted and doesn't seem to have a lot to say. Maybe the book will offer more depth. 3/5

36. The Lincoln Lawyer (Brad Furman)
You would almost think you're watching a John Grisham adaptation (it actually is based on a book, he just didn't write this particular one, this one is a Michael Connelly). Matthew McConaughey manages NOT to suck (very rare) and I especially like the casting of Marisa Tomei and Bryan Cranston. Also, I did a double take when I first saw William H. Macy, I barely recognized him! Plot holds up, too. 3/5

35. Peacock (Michael Lander)
An unusual little film, held together by the solid acting in a double role by Cillian Murphy, with support from Ellen Page and Susan Sarandon. It does take a bit of time to get into, unfortunate since the running time is only 90 minutes, but it does pay off. 3/5

34. Hereafter (Clint Eastwood)
Three stories all related to death and how we cope with it. One involves a tsunami aftermath and is forgettable. One involves a retired medium (Matt Damon) trying to get by and its really good. And the other involves a little boy trying to find a way to communicate with his recently deceased twin and it too shows promise. Well, two out of three ain't bad as the song says. Not one of Eastwood's stronger works but considering his resume, he's allowed to make films that don't always hit the high notes. 3/5

33. Insidious (James Wan)
Much like Wan's previous effort Dead Silence, he's proving he has what it takes to make a decent horror film and not rely on cliches. He knows what makes a jump scare work and writer Leigh Whannell knows how to write smart and likable characters. It's a bit disorienting in the third act but then that's not a bad thing for a horror movie. 3/5

32. Bad Teacher (Jake Kasdan)
A real mixed bag. On the one hand, it doesn't portray the leading character as always being right and Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel do really good work. On the other, the toilet jokes are weak, some of the supporting characters are irrelevant at best, irritating at worst (especially the best friend of Diaz's character) and Justin Timberlake's character is inconsistent. I've seen worse, but I think this film needs a parent/teacher conference to get it to focus its attention more. 3/5

31. Thor: Tales Of Asgard (Sam Liu)
Unlike his bigger brother, this film is a straight-out adventure. Roughly on par with Marvel's previous straight-to-DVD affairs, which is good since this is currently the last planned, which means they don't get slack with their last film. It's also bad, though, since none have been able to stand up to the dynamic entries DC offers. Still, I'm hoping for more Marvel movies like this. 3.5/5

30. Green Lantern (Martin Campbell)
Only slightly beaten by the above entry as least favourite comic book movie of the year. Ryan Reynolds does a great job, the constructs are well thought-out and the supporting cast of fellow Green Lantern alumni are excellent. But at the same time, the film suffers from what I call “Transformers Syndrome”, which means it has too many squishy pathetic humans, not enough of awesome stuff from space. Also, in regards to Parallax, that is the worst design of an adapted comic book villain since Galactus. I would love a sequel, so long as its mostly set in space and lacking in Blake Lively. 3.5/5

29. X-Men: First Class (Matthew Vaughn)
Summarizing my own review, it can't make up its mind as to whether or not it's a prequel or a reboot and some of the characters behave in ways that don't ring true with what I know, new continuity or not. But the acting is strong (especially from Michael Fassbender) and the action solid. A good start to a new look at the X-Men. 3.5/5

28. Never Let Me Go (Mark Romanek)
A charming little film about clones and how we tend not to think of them as people, merely appendages meant to enhance our lives. Picks up the pace after the first act and very emotional, with great performances from the three leads (Keira Knightly, Andrew Garfield and Carey Mulligan). 3.5/5

27. Your Highness (David Gordon Green)
Well, I certainly didn't think it was all that bad. There were worse comedies this year. James Franco plays his role seriously and it totally works and rather than make him an obnoxious twat, he's a really likable character. The main villain's henchman aren't all that engaging, though and anyone wanting lots of Natalie Portman screen time is due to be disappointed. 3.5/5

26. Hanna (Joe Wright)
Boasting one of the best soundtracks of the year (The Chemical Brothers and I totally called it when I first saw the movie), we have another solid action movie. Erik Bana and Cate Blanchett deliver some of their best performances (and Erik Bana gets to kick some major arse). Though, I really, REALLY hate the character of Sophie. Yeah, I get that she's meant to be a representation of the youth of today's bad values versus Hanna's old ways but do we need to be hit over the head with it constantly? 3.5/5

And that ends part one of this countdown. Next blog, it's #25-#6. But of what I've listed so far, what have you seen and what did you think of it?

I Think You've Blown Your Cover

And now we enter the final blog of the musically themed week. Today, I'm taking a look at crappy cover songs.

Of all the things to remake, covering music is the easiest due to the end product being 3-5 minutes in length. So, this has lead to countless covers of classic songs. Sometimes, the covers end up being far superior to the original (while Love Hurts by the Everly Brothers is good, Nazareth's take is leaps and bounds ahead), sometimes both are equally excellent (Bob Seger's or Metallica's Turn The Page. Either version, I win). And then there are the songs listed below, who just missed the point.

Years ago, I was watching a program with the latest music clips when a cover of Summer Rain came on. And I recoiled in horror from what I heard. Dance music. Passionless vocals. No emotion whatsoever. And what I saw didn't appease matters. Girls dressed like skanks. In a dark, vague place that's probably a swanky nightclub. And they're smiling.
This is a song about a man going to war, leaving a wife behind, and how they'll be together eternally, always dancing, in their hearts.
When Belinda Carisle sings it, the song is just bursting with emotion, with sincerity and the music chills you. The clips transitions between Belinda dancing alone in a room and a black-and-white sequence of memories of the day her husband left. The clip tells a story that accompanies the song and it's a beautiful story.
But this cover, by a band I will not name lest I promote them in some way, is putrid and cold. This applies to a lot of covers and remixes but adding a dance track to most songs is a bad idea. I'd never want to hear Hey Jude as something you could dance to, so why would people approach ballads with this mentality? This cover might as well replace the words with “We're so very slutty, slut slut slut slut slut”. And I say to them, how dare you take a wonderful song and attempt to rape it with your filth. You're lucky that her song will always be timeless and yours will be a footnote to a footnote!

Madonna's version of American Pie is also a cover that changes the tone. It sounds a lot happier and it's shorter too. If you're going to cover the song, at least do the whole thing and do it right.

Jessica Simpson is especially guilty of this crime, with at least three counts I'd like to bring before the court.
Take My Breath Away suffers the opposite of Summer Rain, in that altering the song to give it softer music just lacks passion. And her vocals in that song make her sound bored, like she's under obligation to perform it. Angels suffers from the same problem.
But These Boots Were Made For Walkin'... hooooo boy, does that mangle the song! The Nancy Sinatra original was an empowering song, with commanding vocals, about a girl asserting her independence. Jessica Simpson's version, on the other hand, makes it sound like the boots made for walkin' are for sexual purposes. It's like she thinks its Opposite Day. She sucked the empowerment out and made the clip look like a pornography trailer.

Hilary Duff's version of My Generation, besides being upbeat and optimistic, changes one crucial line: “Hope I die before I get old” becomes “Hope I DON'T die before I get old”. Way to go, you completely failed to understand the point of the song. If you don't understand the song, don't cover it just because it might sound pretty to you. There aren't any unicorn references so I don't know why you bothered you little twit.

But it's not just female singers showing disrespect to music. Staying with The Who, Limp Bizkit's atrocious effort with Behind Blue Eyes needs to be mentioned. Besides Fred Durst sounding bored and that awful “Discover L, I, M, P” in the computer voice, one lyric reading really captures how made of fail this cover is. In the original, “No one knows what it's like/to feel these feelings/like I do/and I blame you!”, the last part is said with such anger, such fury, it's like a confrontation. It's reaching to the soul. But in Limp Bizkit's version, Fred sneers when he says it. It's almost like he's a child responding with an immature “Yeah, well, you suck!” style. So, to Hell with you for trying to destroy the music of The Who.

And just one more: Big Yellow Taxi. The original by Joni Mitchell is a nice little folk song, with some bittersweet observations on how the quaint little things in life get swallowed up by progress.
The part of the song that features the line goes like this: “Late last night, I heard the screen door slam/and a big yellow taxi took away my old man”.
Now, the Counting Crows version gets many things wrong: getting Vanessa Carlton to do the backing vocals, which are barely worth mentioning and wasn't needed; making the song sound upbeat; but worst of all, it changes the lyric mentioned. Now, obviously they weren't going to talk about their boyfriend going away but the new lyric is “and a big yellow taxi took my girl away”. So, not only does the music seem to stop on this line, like it's some big revelation, but the rhyme is lost! I have always hated this song, even before I knew it was a cover.

Anyway, those are some of my least favourite cover songs. Short blog I know but I think I'd better stop before I get too angry and rant-filled, even if there are lots of covers I've forgotten to include (like Britney Spears singing I Love Rock And Roll. Yeah, you love it so much that you do pop songs. Words fail me sometimes). Next week brings a new theme, which I will reveal with the first blog of the new week.

So, as we wrap up musically themed nitpicking week, are there any covers you wish would be banished from the face of the Earth?

Don't Ask Me Where The Flamingos Came From...

And now for the second blog of the musical nitpicking theme week. This is a variation on my original idea. When I first thought up the three blogs, I was going to look at stupid lyrics in songs, good or bad, and go into why they don't work. However, with all the Christmas shopping and working I've been doing lately, I haven't had time to think of the songs with questionable lyrics. Or at least, not a decent amount. So, I will instead choose one song and attempt to go over what I find wrong with it.

And the chosen song? Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F) by Katy Perry.
Now, I want to preface my choice with this statement: I do not hate Katy Perry. I really, REALLY loved Teenage Dream, Waking Up In Vegas, Firework, Futuristic Lover (E.T), Not Like The Movies and her cover of Black And Gold by Sam Sparro. And I enjoyed seeing her on one of my all time favourite shows, How I Met Your Mother (“Who's YOUR daddy?”)

But, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I thought I Kissed A Girl was overplayed and gimmicky and Ur So Gay doesn't get played much in my rotation either. Last Friday Night is somewhere is somewhere in the middle.
Let me break this down into five components: musically, lyrically, vocally, the clip and the title.
Let's start with the title. It sounds like a trivial thing to focus on but a good title will stand out (Bloodhound Gang's The Inevitable Return Of The Great White Dope, Green Day's American Idiot, Sophie Ellis-Bextor's Murder On The Dancefloor) whereas a bad title is either nonsense (early Panic At The Disco and I refuse to use an exclamation mark because that's stupid) or bland (how many songs with the simple name of Angel are there?) This one... well, really, in the modern times, there are so many variant vocations and working hours, so not everybody's end to the working week is a Friday. But maybe that's just me talking, as I work weekends.
Vocally, I have no complaints. Katy knows how to carry a tune. Musically, nothing really wrong.
Lyrically... yeah, that's where the big problems are.

Now, I won't be commenting on every lyric but I will be going through the song and highlighting the bits that leave me scratching my head.

“I smell like a mini bar
DJ's passed out in the yard”
But in the chorus, you mention getting kicked out of bars and parading boulevards. So, did the DJ follow you? Did you have an after-party? Was he always where you were? Lady, that means you have a stalker. Or you're in a parody movie. Either way, I want answers.

“Pictures of last night ended up online
I'm screwed! Oh well!”
Now, it's not so much the lines themselves but rather the reading. When I hear it, I hear “I'm screwed! LOL” based on the timing. Now, I know that might just be me but even when I know the proper lyric, my mind still can't train itself to think that. So, that leads me to wonder if anyone else has had the same thought.

“And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot?!”
“Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a ménage à trois”
Now I know I skipped a bit, but that's not the important thing. Now, I can't say for certain what DOES go on when three people are in the bedroom, but wouldn't kissing be involved? If so, how do you forget? That's like saying “Well, I had some toast but I forgot what I put on it, then I washed my buttered toast down with milk”. Well, clearly, you had butter on it. Or is your memory shot to Hell?
And if she's talking to two different people,
1. She doesn't make that clear and
2. Promiscuity may have been the wrong road to go down, drunkenness or not

“Warrants out for my arrest”
Then it might be a good idea to lay low for a while, find a safe house. You're probably wanted for being drunk and disorderly. But yet, every Friday, you go out and repeat the pattern. And if there are multiple warrants out, hypothetically speaking, do you travel to different towns? How far do you go if you're able to make it home at night? And also, you say earlier in the song “Yeah, I think we broke the law”. Well, when a warrant is issued, there's your answer.

OK, so it's only a few snippets of the song. But when you look at the film clip, then the song makes even less sense.

In the film clip, Katy plays a teenager who is apparently unpopular and uncool. Her neighbour (played by Rebecca Black, so already the clip has a bad mark against it) invites her in and makes her over so she can be noticed by the boy of her dreams. She then proceeds to become the hit of the party, before waking up in her bed after the party.
So, I have a few questions...
1. The song says she gets kicked out of bars, but she's not even old enough to enter one and she is not shown entering a bar. So, why wouldn't you center the clip around it?
2. Isn't she a bit young to be having sex in general, not least of all a threesome? And since she's been drinking, doesn't that count as non-consensual, especially since she's possibly a minor? And if the partner was older...
3. How is the DJ passed out in the yard if there's a band playing? (Hanson, no less.)
4. In regards to the first question, when exactly does she visit a park, go skinny-dipping or hit a boulevard?
5. How does she end up in her “geeky” look when she wakes up even though she passes out still in her make-over? Did the geek in love with her undress her? If he did, he is one creepy little bastard. And it might answer the second question...

Now, to be fair, I do like Debbie Gibson's and Corey Feldman's appearance at the end, that was pretty funny. But when you stack the song against the clip, it's clear things don't match. If the clip was thought of first but Katy was lacking a good song to go with it, she should have aimed for a younger feel, like how she may have been in her teenage years. If the lyrics came first, then I don't see how you get a teen party from those lyrics. It sounds more like a typical Friday with her co-workers at a local bar or being with her gal pals.

It may seem like I'm being overly harsh, and I'm sure some of her best stuff has lyrics that don't fit, but at least they don't leave gaping plot holes (or as close to a plot hole as a song has). Like I said earlier, I love her work, but this song just baffles me.

Anyway, there will be other songs/clips I'll get into the future, good or bad. But for now, there's one more blog for my musical nitpicking theme week on the horizon.

You Keep Requesting That Song. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

And now, we kick off another themed week, this time on a topic I've not yet covered (at least in great detail). This week, it's music. Or more specifically, stuff in music I want to nitpick about.

One thing I love about music is how songs can be interpreted to have vastly different stories but still be valid. We've had strange things like In The Air Tonight being about a man who could have saved another man from drowning but chose not to and Phil Collins witnesses this from afar (it's actually about how he felt during his divorce), and rumors and theories about different aspects of songs (to analyze the entirety of Don McLean's American Pie would take more time then I could spare) like Fire And Rain by James Taylor being about a plane crash, with one of the passengers being a close friend of his who died on the plane (the friend was Suzanne Schnerr, who actually committed suicide while Taylor was away recording his first album. The plane crash in the rumors has to do with the line “sweet dreams and Flying Machines in pieces on the ground”, which is actually about the dissolution of his project The Flying Machine). Many of the Beatles songs are subject to debate about their content and whether or not it had deeper meaning (John Lennon even created I Am The Walrus just to confuse everybody, only that had interpretations too).

Now, with what I intend to say below, I do want to preface it with this: I am not here to rain on anybody's parade. If you have different ideas of a song, that's fine. What we think we can't help and our minds work in different ways. I once thought Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2) was about conformity and that to be “another brick in the wall” was to be another mindless conformist who does as they are told and that the wall was society. I was wrong, but rather than not accept what was presented before me or feel stupid that I was wrong, I was fascinated by the events surrounding the song. As it turns out, the song was not just a protest song against boarding schools and the school system, but the whole album was to do with how people put up walls to exile themselves from society.

However, when it comes to love songs, I have to scratch my head at the requests I hear being played overnight. On my way to work, I'll sometimes listen to a certain radio station that has a program running through the weeknights called Love Song Dedications (yes, beneath this cynical exterior I am a hopeless romantic. Tell no one) in which, well, people call up and... they dedicate love songs, obviously. Now, I'm not going to complain about how I keep hearing the same songs over and over (I have always hated Whitney Houston's cover of I Will Always Love You. Listen to Dolly Parton's, that's real heart right there), but I do want to go over a few songs that should not be played as dedications.

Let's start with one of the classics: Every Breath You Take by The Police. A staple at weddings, if you most people what it's about, the most common answer is “it's a love song about someone who'll always be with someone, watching over them and protecting them”. Sorry to burst that bubble, but no, it's a stalker. He is saying he'll always be watching her, whatever she does, wherever she goes, he's going to be there. Take this lyric “Oh, can't you see/you belong to me” and put it in the context of a stalker. Not so romantic now is it? Hell, I'd say just about half of their discography is filled with dark lyrical works contrasted by light-sounding music (Can't Stand Losing You, Murder By Numbers, Don't Stand So Close To Me, Roxanne).

Or Adele's Someone Like You. Now, it might be more like a dedication for someone that misses their ex-lover and that's fine. But the song's about regret and partly bitterness. That doesn't sound like you miss them and want them back, that kind of sounds like you loved them once but they tore your heart out and now you're black inside. Here's something Adele herself said about it: "I can imagine being about 40 and looking for him again, only to turn up and find that he's settled with a beautiful wife and beautiful kids and he's completely happy... and I'm still on my own. The song's about that and I'm scared at the thought of that." Yeah, I don't see much in the way of romance there. I know it's a great song, one of the better songs this year, but in that context, it doesn't make sense.

But perhaps one of the greatest examples is the song Jar Of Hearts by Christina Perri. Now, I love this song and have loved it since I first heard it. But it is not a love song. Oh my stars and garters, no. So, why am I hearing it on a radio program for lovers to dedicate songs to their partners or people looking to rekindle lost love? The lyrics “You're gonna catch a cold/from the ice inside your soul” do not inspire feelings of romance in most people. Cynical people, maybe, or the kinds of people that take after Enid from Ghost World or Daria Morgendorffer. You ARE listening to the lyrics when you call up to make a request, right? And it's not like these are easy-to-miss lyrics, they make up part of the chorus!

But it's not just love songs that get misinterpreted. Take the song I Fought The Law by The Bobby Fuller Four. For some reason, people latch on to the title and mistake it for something uplifting, like we should be fighting when the law's becoming too oppressive. Uh... no. The guy in the song? He loses. “Breaking rocks in the hard sun” generally means rock-breaking in a prison yard. Hell, the full quote from which the song takes its title is “I fought the law and the law won”. Now, I know there's a version which changes most of the lyrics and becomes “I fought the law and I won” but having read the lyrics, I think that's a bit self-indulgent.

Or one of the most overused songs of all time, Green Day's Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life). I remember seeing commercials for the last episode of Seinfeld with the song playing. I remember a farewell party of some sort that played this over a photo montage.
Guys... this is NOT a song about saying farewell to someone in a happy way! It's actually a break-up song with a little bitterness. Look at the title. See those first two words? Does that sound like something you'd say to someone you care about?

Now, I know by now you must think of me as some music snob or someone who's trying to tell you what to think. And I'm not, on both counts. But think of it this way: if you know someone musical or are dating someone who looks at the deeper meanings of songs and you bring these up and say something like “they remind me of you” and mean it in a loving way, they may think you're trying to be hurtful.

I know I haven't talked about a lot of songs, and there are a lot more I could go into detail about, but that could take ages and its time to move on to another musically related problem. Though that'll be in the next blog.

Men Are From Asgard, Women Are From Midgard

So, we reach the last of the comic book movie trilogy for films of 2011. It's been a good year for comic book movies, live action and animated. Now, in my last two blogs, I've already looked at two of Marvel's live action releases and for this one, I look at the remaining (though first released) Marvel movie and another from the Marvel Cinematic Universe: Thor.
So, does it tell tales of great battle and conquest or is this all a myth we should regard as nonsense? I think we all know the answer to that but let's get to it, shall we?

Brief history of Thor: he made his debut in the comic Journey Into Mystery, a sci-fi/fantasy anthology title, in issue 83, which was published in 1962. Much like Detective Comics and Batman, Thor would later take over the comic. Unlike Batman, the comic was renamed for the main character. Thor was created by Stan Lee, Larry Lieber and Jack Kirby, partially as a challenge to create someone stronger than the Incredible Hulk, which they did by creating a god.
While perhaps not as well known as his Marvel compatriots, it can be argued that if DC's “Trinity” is made up of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman then Marvel's is Captain America, Iron Man and Thor, due to how much they've been through together and how much they value each other in their lives.

Now, onto the film adaptation. And insert standard disclaimer about spoilers and such.

In the far-off realm of Asgard, Odin (Anthony Hopkins) has banished his son, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) for breaking a truce between the Asgardians and the Frost Giants of Jotunheim. Thor ends up on Earth (or Midgard as it is known to the Asgardians) and meets Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), Dr. Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgard) and Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings), who are eager to learn about him and where he came from. However, all Thor cares about is finding his hammer, Moljnir, and getting back to Asgard. And in Asgard itself, Thor's brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) has ascended to the throne after a weakened Odin is forced to slumber and is planning to prove himself worthy to Odin by annihilating Jotunheim once and for all.

I'd say my favourite thing of this movie is how serious the treatment of the material is. Now, being a long time comic fan, I've seen all sorts of weird things in comics (the Silver Age practically breathed on the weird stuff). I've seen Jimmy Olsen get weird powers (though that occurred more than the sun rising, really); twin clones of Hitler; Spider-Man and Wolverine having their minds swapped by Jean Grey (Ultimate Universe but still); Batman and Superman taking on vampires and werewolves; robo-bears vs. cyber gorillas. The list goes on. But some of those are niche titles or Elseworlds, so only people really eager to get into comics will explore such options. Trying to sell someone who's never read comics or a casual reader on something like Thor might take some doing. And even then, a lot of people might be put off by the fact that most of Thor's language is reminiscent of Shakespere or Arthurian days. Hell, even the Ultimate Universe version has some complications (“Well, me MIGHT be a god OR he's a mental patient who THINKS he's the God Of Thunder, we don't know!”) As such, people might not take it seriously, which would translate to a campy film in the wrong hands. Some actors might see a script like this and think you're supposed to ham it up, act all boisterous and and basically embody BRIAN BLESSED (yes, that is supposed to be in caps. Don't ask me why, it's like an internet rule or something). Hell, at one point, BRIAN BLESSED was supposed to be Odin.
But in Thor, it's not the case at all. Everything is treated seriously when it's meant to be serious, while putting in some well timed humor. The mythology of Thor and Asgard is not treated as some silly faraway make believe land, it's another realm of awe and wonder. The dialogue is true to the comic while delivered in a straightforward manner.
In fact, my favourite part of the movie involves an excellent line delivery from Anthony Hopkins (who is absolutely wonderful in this). It's the scene in which Thor, after having attacked Jotunheim after being forbidden by Odin. For his arrogant nature, Odin strips Thor of his power and exiles him to one of the other realms. The line: “I now take from you, your power! In the name of my father, and his father before, I, Odin Allfather, cast you out!”
The backing music, the effects, the confined space, it all makes a wonderful scene, followed by Thor's descent to Earth.
Before going further, I want to say I was extremely impressed with Chris Hemsworth's performance as Thor. He doesn't play him as a berserker or a bloodthirsty individual, there is a compassion to his performance and even when he's playing the character as arrogant, he doesn't slide too far into unlikeable territory, if he even goes there.
Going back to the topic of taking itself seriously, Thor's time on Earth isn't entirely played for laughs either and I really appreciated that. It's a different spin on the “fish out of water” story, the one in which a person arrives in an unfamiliar location/time frame and acts so weirdly and no one picks up on it. Besides the occasional difference of culture (this is where the film's humor lies and does so effectively, like Thor expressing his enjoyment of his beverage by smashing a mug and demanding another or when he and Dr. Selvig go drinking), Thor takes his situation pretty well and doesn't (usually) run off half-cocked and getting into all sorts of trouble.
Helping that situation is how Jane Foster deals with it and Natalie Portman plays her as being very sweet, eager and smart, all strengths Natalie knows how to play by now. She and Chris have great chemistry and their relationship shows the two of them learning about each other while simultaneously teaching the other. I don't know if this will be developed on in The Avengers, but I certainly hope to see more of their romance in Thor 2.
One thing I definitely hope to see more of in The Avengers is how Thor and Loki play off each other. Tom Hiddleston plays Loki with great sympathy and his development from overlooked brother to main threat of Asgard is well developed. Even his plan doesn't seem 100% villainous.

The action is spectacular too, almost every confrontation with the Frost Giants is a sight to behold and towards the end, when Thor regains his hammer and takes on a being known as the Destroyer, it's some damn impressive fighting. But the best action sequence of all is Thor taking on members of SHIELD in the rain, in an attempt to recover Moljnir (the hammer) and just being so damn effective (also helping the scene is the cameo of Hawkeye, who will hopefully be given much more to do in The Avengers)

Speaking of cameos, one final note: Stan Lee has had cameos in plenty of Marvel movies and a lot of them are really funny (like in Iron Man) but this has to be his absolute best so far: he plays “Stan The Man”, a pick-up truck driver who attempts to use his own vehicle to lift Moljnir out of the ground, after it fell to Earth through Odin's intervention. And it nearly takes the whole truck apart. Lee's only line is “Did it work?”, and that just slays me every time.

So, despite being outshone by Captain America: The First Avenger, Thor is a solid film that I happily award 4/5 to.

So, thus ends my week of comic book movie reviews. I hope you've enjoyed them, and there will be more to come, but onto a new theme next week.

He's In The Nazi Punching Business And Business Is Good

And welcome, to the second in the trilogy of comic book film reviews. Once again, I look at a movie on DVD after seeing it on the initial cinema run and see if it's still as good (or better) the second time around or if I was wrong in my judgment. And today, we're looking at the star spangled man with a plan himself, in Captain America: The First Avenger.

Conceived in the 1940's, Captain America was one of the earliest Marvel heroes (beaten by the oddly-named-no-relation-to-Johnny-Storm-and-is-actually-an-android Human Torch and Namor the Sub-Mariner) and was created to be as patriotic as could be. The first issue of Captain America Comics depicted him punching Hitler square in the jaw, a cover that is now among the most famous, like the covers for Amazing Fantasy #15, Fantastic Four #1 and Crisis On Infinite Earths #7. After being put on ice towards the end of the war, he re-emerges in the 60's to become part of the Avengers and has stayed a fan favourite ever since.

So, should we pledge allegiance to Captain America: The First Avenger or should we hold a court martial session?

Brief plot synopsis: Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is eager to join the army and fight the Nazis but is constantly turned down, based on his physique and medical history. Given a chance to prove himself by Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci), Steve undergoes a procedure that makes him the first super-soldier and gives the Allies a new weapon in the war. Going by the moniker Captain America, Steve makes it his personal mission to stop HYDRA commander Johann Schmidt (aka the Red Skull, played by Hugo Weaving)

Besides the usual thing about spoilers, blah blah blah, I have one thing I need to say upfront: I loved this movie.

Much like the other entries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe/Movieverse, by keeping the project in the family (so to speak) at Marvel Studios, the movie feels much truer to the character and the feel of their own series rather than take huge deviations (like turning Dr. Doom metal in the first Fantastic Four film. Or turning Bane into a complete idiot for Batman And Robin. Or silencing Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, if you want to call him that).

Chris Evans is sensational in the title role, and this is perhaps the best role in a comic book adaptation he's done (and he's done a few, too. The Fantastic Four duology, TMNT, The Losers and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World before this. It's almost like he's competing with Ryan Reynolds for most comic book movie roles). While he wasn't terrible as the Human Torch (the more well known one this time), it's an interesting contrast to see him go from a cocky, hotheaded lady killer to an earnest, humble, determined young man who wants to fight in a war because he doesn't like bullies. Hell, it might just be his best role yet. One factor that helps sell it is that Steve always has a straight face, even when he's delivering lines about war bonds like a shill. Or cracking jokes (“I've punched out Hitler 200 times”).
In fact, Col. Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones, doing what Tommy Lee Jones does best: kicking ass and taking names) is similar, as he keeps the same disposition (largely) and is almost always deadpan with every line.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper) almost always has a smile on his face and knows his way around a joke. One of my favourite scenes is when he's showing off a prototype of a flying car he's created, saying in a few years cars won't have wheels. And not too long after, the car comes crashing down. Without missing a beat, he smiles and says “I said a few years, didn't I?” Yeah, considering how much his son is like him, is it any wonder why this guy's so cool?
With regards to other roles, Hugo Weaving is tremendous in his portrayal of the Red Skull. He revels in his role, and his accent is flawless. Oh and whoever did the work on the Red Skull mask, that was some damn fine work.
Hayley Atwell played an excellent soldier/love interest in the form of Peggy Carter. Much like Pepper Potts from Iron Man, she takes no nonsense, can hold her own and rarely loses composure. She doesn't even get kidnapped, something I love seeing in comic book movies (that's one of my criticisms of the Raimi directed Spider-Man trilogy. While I love it, there are things that nag at me, MJ's constant kidnappings being one of them. I'm beginning to think her name is really Princess Toadstool. But that's for another blog). Hayley and Chris work well together and I hope they do more together in the future.

Speaking of Iron Man comparisons, besides the kick-ass love interests and featuring a member of the Stark family, the most glaring shared trait is the death of the mentor. Both Yinsen and Dr. Erskine are wonderful characters who give our heroes a new motivation or chance at life and both die right before the hero's big debut. If I had to pick, I'd say Dr. Erskine's death is sadder, since Yinsen was actively seeking it so that he could be reunited with his family in the afterlife. It doesn't make it any less sad, but at least he was expecting it and he died with happy thoughts. Dr. Erskine dies pointing to Steve's chest, a callback to an earlier scene in which he told Steve the most important thing in life is to be a good man. Steve takes it hard and so do we. I almost wish the movie would bend the rules and let Steve teleport right in front of the Nazi saboteur and beat the living snot out of him. The guy may die later, but Steve doesn't get the satisfaction of doing it or even letting the authorities handle him, as he kills himself with a suicide capsule.

While it is a comic book movie, it's also a war movie and it balances the two nicely. Besides the idea of a super soldier serum, a shield made out of a fictitious material and a cube of unimaginable power, there's nothing out of the ordinary that would prevent this from being a stand-alone war movie, even with Steve's costume. The action is invigorating, from all the gun play to the vehicular combat. But the best action scenes... well, anytime Cap throws his shield, that's where the awesomeness lies. In fact, my absolute favourite scene of the movie has Cap leaping into the air then coming right down on some goon, shield first.

If I had one complaint (and me being me, I have to find at least one thing I don't like in great movies. But the opposite is true too, I like to find the good in the truly awful. For example, the good thing about White Chicks is that the disc makes a handy target when you run out of clay pigeons), it's the scene where Cap gets kissed by that hussy of a secretary and Peggy sees it. Now, at this point in the movie, she would probably know Steve almost as well as he knows himself and they both know he's not a hotshot around girls. Yet she gets frustrated at him and doesn't berate the secretary. OK, the shots following are hilarious (involving actual shots, too!) but I felt like it was a misstep. Peggy is smarter and she shouldn't have jumped to the conclusion she did. But it's minor, anyway.

All in all, of the five Marvel Studios pictures, this falls slightly short of defeating Iron Man, but by no means is that a bad thing. I mean, Iron Man's an amazing film that would have been the best comic book movie (and probably best movie) of 2008 if not for a certain film featuring a man dressed as a bat taking on a clown.
Hell, none of them have been crap. And Captain America: The First Avenger is no exception. It's a dynamic, heartfelt, bold film with a great build-up to next year's Avengers movie. And believe you me, it's the biggest threat to The Dark Knight Rises.
In fact, for anyone who hasn't seen this movie yet, stick around after the credits for a teaser for the Avengers.
Oh and Stan Lee's cameo was hilarious. But there's one that outranks all of his cameos. Which is it? Next blog...

But before closing, how do I score Captain America: The First Avenger? 4/5, easily. A solid film and very easily a top 10 contender for when I rank the films I've seen this year.

What? Darwin Is Evolving! Wait... Oh

Today is going to be the first blog for a themed week I'm calling “comic book film review” week, in which I will review three of this year's comic book adaptations, now that I have all three on DVD and thus have more time to explore them. Let's kick things off with X-Men: First Class.

I don't think I need to go into great detail about the X-Men, but I'll give a brief overview: the X-Men are mutants, considered by some to be homo superior and they constantly face adversity from the human race, as well as evil mutant teams like the Brotherhood and the Hellfire Club. That is, when they're not engaged in mini-civil wars within their own ranks.

Before X-Men: First Class, there were four X-Men films, and each was a financial, if not critical, success. But after X-Men: The Last Stand, the decision was made to take the franchise in different directions. X-Men Origins: Wolverine was a prequel to the original film series, and is usually considered the weakest installment in the series. As of writing this blog, a sequel is on the way, entitled The Wolverine. In fact, the original series has a fourth film potentially being made. And then there are all the other spin-offs... yeah, these are topics for another blog.

Today, we're looking at the newest addition to the X-Men film franchise. So, will First Class prove too cool for school or will we see it in detention? Let's find out.

Set largely in the 1960's, Sebastian Shaw and his fellow mutants are conspiring to start World War 3, in order to make mutants the dominant species. With the CIA keeping tabs on Shaw and his band, Moira MacTaggert enlists the help of mutant expert (and powerful telepath) Charles Xavier to convince the CIA of the existence of mutants. With the help of a new ally, Erik Lensherr, Charles sets out to find others like them and stop Shaw's plan from coming to fruition.

Like the previous X-Men films, there is a large cast of mutants (albeit this and Wolverine have a slightly smaller roster) so let's start with a brief description of each mutant's power and little details.

Charles Xavier/Professor X (James McAvoy), as noted above, is a telepath. And a very powerful one at that.
Erik Lensherr/ Magneto (Michael Fassbender) is a master manipulator of magnetism. But I bet you knew that.
Raven Darkholme/Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) is a shape-shifter. And, in this universe, Charles' adopted sister (of sorts. Kinda complicated.)
Hank McCoy/Beast (Nicholas Hoult) has animal-like physiology and enhanced strength, stamina, agility and a whole bunch of traits (and in this film, he does gain the blue fur he is well known for. And that is not a spoiler.)
Emma Frost (January Jones) is also a telepath, but she has a secondary ability: transforming her body into a diamond form.
Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) absorbs kinetic and radiated energy and controls it.
Angel Salvadore (Zoe Kravitz) can fly (much like the Angel from X-Men we all know and love) and spit acid (yeah, the other Angel can't do that...)
Sean Cassidy/Banshee (Caleb Landry Jones) screams at ultrasonic levels, which he can also use as a form of flight.
Azazel (Jason Flemyng) is a teleporter (and in the comics, the father of Nightcrawler)
Armando Munoz/Darwin (Edi Gathegi) adapts to situations as they come (growing gills in water, becoming heat resistant around fire, that sort of thing.)
Janos Quested/Riptide (Alex Gonzalez) creates whirlwinds.
And Alex Summers/Havok (Lucas Till) absorbs energy and blasts it.

Now, there may be spoilers for the rest of the review, but Charles getting paralyzed and Erik striking out as Magneto are NOT spoilers. You kind of expect this if you know even the slightest of X-Men. Everything else is still fair game for spoilers so I warn you now.

Now, in a film with this many characters, chances are you're going to try and pick your favourites and pick the ones you either hate or just would have cut out of the film. Based on the acting, the characterization and the dialogue, my favourite characters would have to be Erik (I don't call him Magneto because he doesn't really become Magneto until the end), Darwin and Azazel. Michael Fassbender has a hard act to follow with inheriting the role (in a way) from Sir Ian McKellen and he nails it. His anguish, his determination, his hard exterior that hides a heavy heart, Fassbender just gets it. If I had to choose a favourite part, a part in which he truly shines, it's near the end, where he's poised to take on the role we all know him for. After a bullet aimed for him is deflected, it hits Charles in the back. The look of horror on Erik's face just sells it. He's panicking, his best friend in the whole world is in pain, he doesn't know what to do. His dialogue after that only confirms just how good Fassbender is and I really, really hope he gets some excellent roles now.

Darwin didn't get much time to develop but what he did get, he used well. He was funny, laid-back and his power is frickin' awesome. Unfortunately, he gets killed off soon after his introduction. I may joke about it in the title of this blog (as well as referencing Pokemon but that's neither here or there) but in all seriousness, damn. He doesn't even get a big send-off. He dies and then the scene changes. Wow, thanks a lot, movie. Take one of the coolest characters in the movie and get rid of him. Oh well, at least he did try and stand up to the villain. He may not have been a hero for long but he was an X-Man through and through.

Azazel doesn't say much and is treated like a lackey but besides looking cool (it's like if the Devil wore a suit to work. No, no! He's like that one background character from that episode of Angel! Season 5, The Girl In Question. He works in the Italian branch of Wolfram And Hart. Yeah, he looks like that guy! Also, just to clarify, I do not think the Devil is cool, I'm just describing him for anyone who doesn't know who the Hell he is. Pun not intended), he has one of the most super awesome powers (as I mentioned above, teleporting). And what does he use it for? He drops people. From the sky. Yeah. Badass or what?

I'll come back to some of the other characters later, when I go into the negatives.

The action scenes were really damn impressive and they didn't feel overblown, either. The battle toward the end felt really authentic (as authentic as a movie with mutants can be anyway) and I really liked Erik and Charles' confrontation with Emma Frost, in which Erik uses a bed frame to constrict her.

However, there are two very big negatives that keep this film from being one of the truly excellent films of the year.

Going back to the characters now, despite being a new take, I don't think I like the changes made to Xavier and Beast. Neither of them has any tact when talking to Mystique about her power and disregard her feelings. Or, to put it bluntly: they kind of act like dicks. Xavier can't even answer a simple question she directs to him (OK, it might be about if he thinks she's attractive and would they date if they didn't know each other and he responds with “But I do know you”. Dude, it's called a hypothetical. You're a scientist, you should know all about those. The correct response is “You're my sister” because after growing up with you, that's what she IS). And if you want more dickish behaviour, at the end of the movie, he and Moira (Rose Byrne, not playing a mutant and her character's not American in the comics despite being one here, doing a very good job) share a kiss... which he uses to wipe her memory of the existence of mutants. You might be trying to protect yourself and the others but now her credibility is shot to Hell. And you could have trusted her or gone another way. But nooooo, you had to wipe her mind.
And don't give me that “it's an alternate universe, they can do what they want” song and dance or the routine of “he's only young, he'll grow into the guy we know”. You know who else was brain-wipe happy? The Xavier of the Ultimate Universe and that universe is filled with arseholes! This is not a path I want to see Xavier go down.

Beast isn't that much different either. He openly tells Mystique she's beautiful when transformed to the state she normally appears in (not the blue, I mean when she's in public).
I've stated in my X-Men comic review that Beast is my favourite character. Even in the aforementioned Ultimate Universe, Beast escapes arseholeification. But here, he had to be vain and self-centered. And no, I will not take the “young = allowed to make mistakes” argument here either. Being young does not absolve you of everything you do. And at his age, he should know better.

Also, what the Hell is up with Angel pulling a face heel turn? One minute she's happy to be free from the life of a stripper and having fun with her new mutant friends, the next she's off to help bring down humanity. Hell, when Sebastian Shaw makes the offer for any mutant to join him, she takes it up with no hesitation and gives some bullcrap reason. I basically view it as “Oh hai losers, I'm off to join the winning side kthanxbai”. Or, however it would be said in the 60's. Probably involving some dialogue about felines and the shapes of boxing rings.
I reckon she just saw their clothes and powers and wanted to live it up. It's just so poorly executed.

But the biggest gripe I have with the movie: it can't decide if it wants to be a prequel or a reboot. It wants to be both, but it can't happen. The two cancel each other out. If it's a reboot, why did you reuse the footage of Erik in the camps from the first X-Men movie? And why put Hugh Jackman as Wolverine for a cameo if the films aren't connected? (Granted, that scene was funny). Is Hugh Jackman-as-Wolverine a constant in all the multiple universes?

But if you are a prequel, that just raises further questions: why is Charles paralyzed at the end of this movie if he can walk in The Last Stand? And more to the point, why would he and Erik be all chummy for one little girl? And why is Emma Frost an adult when she appears as a teenager in Wolverine?
No, movie. You pick one or the other. Casino Royale did. Sure, Judi Dench portrayed M again but at least they said outright they were rebooting Bond and bringing him back to basics.

Admittedly, they do lean more towards reboot but they don't outright say it and before release, it was even being touted as another prequel. Heck, because of the early Erik scenes at the camps, X-Men Origins: Magneto was scrapped.

All in all, a solid movie, but some things still bug me. Unlike Bridesmaids, I think I rated this one a little too high initially. Thus, I give it 3.5/5 (now it's much Bridesmaids)

P.S Still hoping to see Apocalypse one of these days. And can someone please hurry up with the Deadpool spin-off?!

Mama, They're All Crazy Now... Or Are They?

Recently, I viewed Sucker Punch for the second time, this time on DVD, to see if it's a movie that actually gets better with repeated viewing. Does it improve second time around or is there no hope?

And yes, there will be spoilers.

In the 1960's, a young woman (Emily Browning), whose name is never revealed but goes by the nickname “Babydoll”, is sent to an asylum by her abusive stepfather in the wake of her sister's death (who she may or may not have killed) and is due to be lobotomized within the week of her arrival. Escaping into a fantasy, she conspires with four other girls to escape: Amber (Jamie Chung), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), Rocket (Jena Malone) and Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish).

Let's start with that: the fantasy concept. So, she's in an asylum, with a lobotomy pending, and she's been fantasizing the entire time. What does everyone around her think? The people she sees in her fantasies are plucked from people she knows in real life and some of the events that happen within the fantasies are happening in reality. So, to anyone not involved, what do they make of this?
“Hey, what's the new girl doing?”
“I think she thinks she's a burlesque dancer or something? Who cares, she's weird”
They may all be in an asylum but I highly doubt they're sharing the same fantasy, it's not like there's magic in play. No cupboards holding gateways to other worlds, no books to conjure dimensional portals.

But what really annoys me is that within the fantasies, she will fantasize AGAIN. What, do you think you're Inception? A fantasy within a fantasy? You going to reveal there's another one in that? Or that the events of the entire movie were made up by some kid holding a snow globe? More on the fantasies within fantasies later.

Let's talk characters. Babydoll's expression throughout most of the movie is pretty blank. She says little and I find it hard to sympathize with her. Her stepfather might have been (OK, was) an arsehole and I'm disappointed that he survived the film but that doesn't mean she is entirely all there.
Blondie (why is she called that? Because of the five, three of them ARE blond but she's not? Why isn't Amber called Blondie then) adds little. And being played by Vanessa Hudgens isn't getting you points, either.
Amber (and why doesn't she get a nickname? What, is she not good enough? And if that is a nickname, it sucks, because it sounds like a real name as opposed to the others) is pretty much the same as Blondie, but actually likable.
Sweet Pea really does nothing for me, but then, I really, really do not like Abbie Cornish and I do not believe she's a capable actress (starring in my least favourite movie of all time does not help. Somersault, I loathe your existence and you are the antithesis of everything I love in film)
And Rocket... I actually like her. She's helpful, largely cheerful and full of spunk. So, naturally, the film has to do something about that...

Most of the other characters in this film are either irrelevant (Mrs. Gorski, who I don't hate but if she's trying to be the moral center of the movie, she's not very good at it) antagonistic but ineffectual (Blue) or barely worth a mention even if some things in the plot involve them (the doctor performing the lobotomy... who isn't even given a real name, that's just how much the movie cares).

Now, if it sounds like I'm being too negative, I want to point out I don't hate this film. There are points where it does look like it's trying. And one of the things I sing absolute praise to (no pun intended) is the soundtrack, even if it is anachronistic. Emily Browning actually provided the vocals for a darker remake of Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) and its really well done, as is the cover of White Rabbit by Emiliana Torrini. Normally I'm not big on remakes in music that take the song out of the genre when its fine in where it came from but they experiment and put some effort into and I applaud it (except for the usage of Queen. Do not frickin' touch Queen. They are immortal and should not be treated with such disrespect).

However, it's time to come to the biggest flaw of the movie. Going back to the fantasies within the fantasies... well, that's just it. Those fantasies are anachronistic, in a way that it almost seems like a plot hole. Remember, this film is set in the 1960's. So, what goes through the mind of the fantasy Babydoll? Giant robots, advanced computers and girls with guns.

…

This IS a movie I'm watching, right? And not the fanfic of some sex-starved teenager with little to no attention span?
“And it's gotta have chicks with guns, lots and lots of guns! And the sky is dark and smoke filled, when it's not filled with fire! And it needs giant mechas! And computers and bombs! Ooh, and put a dragon in!” Hell, all it was missing was two girls kissing and it would have been a teenage dream that gets their heart racing.

...Wait a minute. Oh my God, those sequences sound like the kind of things 90's Kid would write! Damn it 90's Kid, go back to reading Bloodgun!

Zack, you're better than this, you can have awesome action and still make sense. Dawn Of The Dead was a remake that didn't suck, 300 was over-hyped but still had decent fight choreography, and I still consider Watchmen one of my favourite movies of all time (even if it does lose points now that I have read the graphic novel). These films prove you can combine a solid narrative and invigorating action (on the subject of Zack, I have not seen Legend Of The Guardians: The Owls Of Ga'Hoole. I have no intention of seeing it. Ever. I am, however, very eager to see Zack's reboot of the Superman films in the upcoming Man Of Steel)

But anyway, back to the Incep- I mean fantasy-fantasies (I'm beginning to think they're like those Russian dolls that you open up and find a smaller version inside, and a smaller version inside that and so on and so forth. They are Russian aren't they? Probably should have researched that first. If I am wrong, consider this an apology and an admission of my stupidity)
So, considering the media available in that era, where exactly did she conjure these images from? I don't recall TV shows about giant robots that look kind of like rejected Big Daddies from Bioshock. And if she did read comics, they would have looked more simplistic. The whole thing just seems like an excuse to get arses onto cinema seats because no one could deal with the “mind-screwy nature” of the film


To sum up, I'd like to state something about the movies I watch and a marker of how good or bad they can be: a great movie (once again, I'll use Inception. Seriously, best movie of 2010 in my opinion) can leave you asking questions, in a way like a student eager to learn. You want to know more about the world its created, about the possibilities, the pasts of the characters if not fully disclosed, and you come up with theories for the unanswered stuff, and it makes you feel smarter.
A bad or disappointing movie leaves you asking questions, but usually the types of questions that poke holes in what the movie presents to you. It has failed to provide an answer and can't be bothered to think one up. And you really don't want to because it'll either raise further questions or because you don't like the answer. And Sucker Punch is the latter. As I addressed, this falls into the concepts of the fantasy-fantasies, what the supporting characters are doing while Babydoll is off in her own little world but also one big glaring problem (here's where the major spoiler comes in): so, Sweetpea escapes the asylum. She's rescued by somebody who appeared in one of the fantasy-fantasies, albeit not exactly as they were within that realm. So, does that mean Babydoll somehow accessed another world? How? And if she didn't, how did the Wise Man (as he is called) appear in the fantasy-fantasies? Is he a supernatural being of some sorts? Well, no. You can't do that, movie. You can't just make stuff up like that and keep changing the rules or keep the audience in the dark. That's cheap and lazy.

It's ironic that with Zack Snyder's career at this point being adaptations (or one remake), that the film to get the most scorn is the only original one in the bunch. Well, original in the sense that it's not based on prior work, I can't speak for its content being original. Especially ironic seeing as how we all complain that Hollywood's run out of ideas or it can't do anything original anymore. Well, here's proof that original isn't always going to work.

Despite all that, I give it a 2.5/5. It passes, but this could have been a lot better.